Making it Personal

I believe each person is like a diamond with many facets representing their interactions with others, their interests, their character, and the effects that the ever-changing world in which we all live have had on them. The challenge for a funeral celebrant is to reflect as many facets as possible in what sometimes seems like the shortest amount of time.

Music is a great start of course – whether the choices are prearranged from the person and/or their family. One track can set the scene at the start and another to see everyone off at the end. The addition of a slideshow, lowering and farewell times in the service are other opportunities to use music to its full advantage.

Flowers always give a colourful lift to a service and can be used to reflect a person’s favourite colour (or sporting team). At a recent service, the family gave out a single white rosebud as a corsage for everyone (along with a pink breast cancer ribbon). The white rosebud represented the person’s special colour, and the ribbon represented her courageous journey with breast cancer.

Coffins and caskets today come in all forms from cardboard to polished wood to wicker. (Note: The difference between coffins and caskets hinge on how they are shaped). Earlier this year, one family chose to have some stunning river scenery on the coffin. Another family had some decoration on a white coffin but requested that everyone leave a message on it as well.

Memorabilia often adorns coffins. I have seen rugs, cushions, medals, hats, sporting items, surfboards, fishing rods, paintings, pictures and ceramic items used as reminders of times shared.

Gifts to guests take a variety of formats too. A special order of service or bookmark can allow guests to later reflect and to remember the person being honoured. Toasts in the service certainly spark interest. Recently, a family used a message card to record some of the facets the guests wanted to share. (See my earlier blog.) Another family provided a seed card as a reminder of their loved one’s passion for gardening and as something for everyone to look forward to in the future.

For me, to make a service personal, to reflect as many personality, character and life experience facets as possible is both a challenge and a privilege. With the help of the family, I have the opportunity to discover the legacy that has been left for those who follow. In knowing the legacy, we both honour and celebrate a life well lived and deeply loved. This can often be the first step on the way forward.