Eulogies or Tributes

When I was first asked to speak at a funeral, I was not sure how I could do justice to a life in just a few minutes. I decided just to start writing and see where it took me. Several revisions later I knew this was it – a eulogy for my Dad - and a thank you for all that he had done for me. I do not have a copy of that talk and I cannot really remember exactly what I said – but I know how I felt. My best on this occasion was enough. It was tough going for a while.

This blog is about what I have learnt since then. I hope it is helpful to anyone called to deliver a talk (Eulogy or Tribute or both) at a funeral service.

The word Eulogy is explained by The Cambridge Dictionary  “a speech, piece of writing, poem, etc. containing great praise, especially for someone who recently died or retired from work.”

A Tribute (from the same source) is similar: “something that you say, write, or give that shows your respect and admiration for someone, especially on a formal occasion.”

These terms are almost interchangeable, but I feel they can work really well together.

Eulogies are great starting points for us to learn about a person’s life and times. They often include date and place of birth, parents and sibling details, schooling and what the person did later in life. As a funeral celebrant I offer to deliver these details on behalf of the family.

Tributes tend to deal with the relational aspects of someone’s life – including stories of trips, times and experiences that show how the person influenced others. These are often really personal experiences which need to come from those who have shared these times. As the default speaker, however, I will gladly fill in and deliver tributes when required to do so.

In my initial interview with a family, I try and take as much detail down as I can about the person whose life is to be celebrated – even if I am not required to deliver a eulogy or tribute as part of the service. I regard this as essential information in crafting the first draft of the service for the family.

I also offer to review words written by others – even if I am not the person responsible for sharing them at the service. This often helps speakers ensure they write down their thoughts in advance – often a stabilising influence when they might stray from the script. It is also a great way to ensure there is minimal duplication of information and that the family members have a complete record of all that is said (and is available for them to reflect on in later times).

So, if you have been asked to speak at a funeral service, you might like to consider the following:

Eulogy Points

·        Birth/death dates and places

·        Family history including names and occupations of parents, details of siblings, children, grandchildren

·        Education from early schooling to later life

·        Workplaces and skills

·        Travels and life experiences

·        Recreational pursuits

 Tribute Points

·        Ways in which you or others have been influenced through shared experiences. Could include holidays, meals and work

·        Things that you remember as being special about the person.

·        Quotes or mention of poetry, prose or music might fit perfectly here

·        Why you/others loved them so much.

·        What legacy, ideals, they have left you and others that have helped in growing up and shaping characters.